Nope, nope, nopenopenope, I'm out of here, thanks so much, do not pass Go, do not collect $200.
An opportunity to go back to someone's place is usually a good thing, but sometimes, you just have to run the other direction while it is still safe. Sometimes, by that point, you're already in too deep.
u/uncle_drunky asked Reddit:
Here were some answers.
Fearing For My LifeGiphy
Found out she'd gone to prison for stabbing her boyfriend during an argument. "Did he hit you first?" "No, I just got mad and stabbed him."
This was about 5 years ago. I met her at a laundry place in Santa Cruz called the Ultramat. (It's on Laurel next to the little Mexican supermarket. Also - GO BANANA SLUGS !) I was reading a book when she came in. She was on a ten speed bike and was pulling a wagon behind her with laundry in it.
After she put her stuff in the machines she came up to me and told me she liked my hat. I was wearing a red beanie. She told me her name was Spider. When I asked where she lived she said, "I'm homeless." I told her I was sorry to hear that and she said, "I'm not. I'm cool with it."
The conversation went on from there. After stabbing the boyfriend she apparently did six years either for assault or attempted murder (I don't recall exactly which). She was no longer on parole or probation. She told me that when she was behind bars. When I asked her what her CDC number was (her CA prison ID#) she rattled it off immediately.
She had a cute face, was clean, and not on drugs. She was real butch, with short hair and wearing men's clothing, so when she came up out of the blue to talk to me I was surprised.
Possible Fishing Expedition
Met a girl on whisper yesterday. Was housesitting and bored, so she wanted me to come over. Sent three pics, and she was hot! Said I was handsome and cute, etc. told me an address to go meet her. Said to just knock loud, and don't bother texting first. Felt too easy.
Later, before leaving my house, I texted and asked her to send me a pic with her pinky raised just so I'd know it really was the girl in the pictures from earlier. She replied with "I'm tipsy." Refused to send the pic. So I didn't go.
It just felt like I was getting catfished at best, set up to be robbed at worst.
I was feeling pretty depressed and a friend of mine who'd been interested in me for years invited me over to his new place to get drunk and watch sh*t movies. I knew sex was a possibility and I was actually kind of looking forward to it. We'd always agreed we could never date but the sexual tension never went away.
We got drunk and messed around on the internet and then decided to go upstairs to bed. Started making out (which is the most we'd ever done before) and he was gradually taking my clothes off.
Then he started laughing. I asked him what was funny and he said he was picturing the face of our friend who had a crush on me and how sad he'd be if he could see us now. I told him that was pretty rude and brushed it off and carried on.
But he wouldn't stop laughing. The further he went, the more hysterical he found it. Eventually the entire mood was ruined, I told him I'd rather just go to sleep and said I'd go sleep on the sofa. He apologized, still laughing, and went to sleep on the sofa himself. I left the next morning before he was awake.
He texted me a few days later saying how much of an idiot he felt for ruining his chances and that he can't believe his drunk mind was so focused on our friend that he couldn't even focus on me, the person he'd been wanting for years. We never did sleep together...
Taking The Changes
Girl I knew and liked. We went out a few times, and eventually back to her place. She was super stiff and not into anything at all. I asked her if anything was wrong, she said no, but.. well something was wrong. I made an excuse about not feeling well, told her I'd call her and left.
She was really nice, so we went out again the next weekend, and the same thing happened. She invited me back to her place, but once we got naked and in bed, her body just shut down. There was no enjoyment for her at all. I talked with her a bit, and she admitted she wasn't really into sex, but thought it was expected. I told her it was ok, we hugged, I took off for the night.
We never went out again, but a couple months later I was talking with one of her friends that admitted she had been raped in the Army by 3 guys for like 6 hours. The Army discharged her and the guys were never brought up on charges.
My Nose Is Wet
I was at a party in college and there was this girl I'd been gunning for the entire night. I finally found myself alone with her. We talked for a while. I could tell she was drunk, so I knew it would be a bad idea to really go for it that night, but I figured I could lay some groundwork and maybe meet up with her again.
I gave her my number and leaned in for a kiss. She kissed me for a couple seconds and then pulled back, looked at me, and then leaned back in and full on made out with my nose, tongue and all. I was like, ok. We are about done here.
I drove a friend home from the local bar. I hadn't been drinking because I was on medication from a recent appendectomy, and she was hammered.
She demands I come upstairs and hang out (I'd dropped her off from work a few times, and always turned down going inside cause I didn't feel like imposing). So we go inside, and she sets up her laptop to watch some Sex and the City.
She grabs a blanket, and we are just like next to each other on the couch. She gradually strips down to t-shirt and underwear (she asked if I minded first, I went "whatever makes you comfortable, I've seen girl bits before"). We start kissing, it's very hot, and passionate. Then she did something that reminded me that she was really drunk, and I really wasn't.
So I apologized, excused myself and went home. The next week, I drove her home one day after work and in the car she goes "thanks for not doing anything on Friday", I explained just that I was very aware how drunk she was compared to me, and it didn't feel right.
No regrets, she's still one of my best friends.
Went on a double date with a girl off of OkCupid -- the other couple was her friend and another OkCupid dude. Our date went great, her friend's date not so much. Afterwards, was invited to stay with them both. Sex was not implied, but stated explicitly (at least with my date). I turned her down because I wanted the relationship to last.
We dated for a bit, but it didn't last, and I'm still kicking myself for not just being the horny 20-something that I should have been.
An Unexpected Guest
Ok, this one's a bit out there, and probably going to get buried but what the hell.
Met a girl online, she knew some of my close friends as well. We started talking then one night she texted me while I was out and we decided to meet up. She took me to her place but before walking in the door, she says "I have to warn you that I have a strange pet." I figure ok, parrot or something like that.
We walk in and everything from the floor up to about 5/6 inches is chewed to nubs. Her coffee table is standing on literal toothpicks. I'm starting to worry, then I hear it. This cooing coming from one of the two bedrooms in the apartment. She says "ready to meet Bart?" And opens the door.
A full blown adult raccoon comes waddling out. She leads me to her bedroom and I'm sorta uneasy but figure, what the heck. Bart is now wandering freely and I'm naked in her bed and we're getting down to business.
As things progress, I forget about Bart, that is until all of a sudden he leaps on my back as I'm in the throes of passion. I reach back, grab him by the scruff of his neck and fling him off, hop up, get dressed, thank her for the lovely evening and run outta there.
One for the books.
Told me that she was glad I had a daughter because she had an ovarian medical complication and couldn't have kids of her own and she wanted a daughter so badly.
- Massive first date overshare
- What the f---
- No really, what the f---, did you just put yourself into the position of stepmom on a first date?
Yeah....told a guy on a first date that I can't have kids. He took the condoms he bought and threw them out the car window. I then proceeded to ask him to drop me off at the mall my mom works at.
Recently a guy I was messaging on grindr it turned out we worked for the same company then casually he drops my bosses name into a conversation so he must have gone searching for me to know who my boss was. He is one of the directors of the large company I work for. After this he suggested we go for a drink and I was happy to meet for a drink see how we get on. He suggested a pub in the countryside and he'll pick me up so I said but that means he won't be able to drink much as he will need to drive me back to the city so he said he lives 2 minutes away from the pub and he has a large house "so you can always sleep there in one of my many spare rooms if needed"
So it went from a casual friendly drink with someone in a very high up position in my company to it feeling like I was being railroaded into something. He also told me how he is divorced has 3 teenage kids and they aren't looking for a new stepdad and he sent me semi naked photos.
I've never met the guy you'd think especially as we work for the same company and he has a high profile job he would be a little bit different than he was.
Anyway it put me off and I got offered another job in a different country so I quit. Told him I quit and I'm leaving and no point in meeting.
I probably would have slept with him but I found him to be quite predatory and didn't like how he found out who my boss was and it felt like I was being cornered and I really don't care about money so the whole thing put me off. I think if I stayed and ended up dating him it would have been very good for my career as he said he is friends with my supervisors boss and her bosses boss and they all socialize outside of work.
The Newlywed Game?
Met a couple while vacationing at a resort in Jamaica. They were on their honeymoon.
Husband wanted me to bang his new wife while he watched.
When I was 21, I was at a Halloween party with my then-fiancee. He was outside shooting the shit with our friends while I was inside being drunk (insanely drunk - I hadn't had a drop to drink in months because I was on a strict diet for the upcoming wedding because white fucking dress) and taking off my jewelry and vampire teeth in the kitchen.
This girl I vaguely knew, who was married to one of the guys at the party, came to chat with me, worried I was getting ready to leave. I said I wasn't, I was just drunk and getting annoyed with my accessories.
She started making the conversation super sexual super fast and then she asked if I wanted to go to the bathroom with her.
I'm thinking this is the best night ever and agree. We traipse off to the bathroom and as soon as the door is closed, she has me up against the counter, literally ripping my shirt half off. Then we're making out. Then she's on her knees, hiking my skirt up and kissing my upper thighs.
And then? Then she asks, "Will your fiancee be okay with this?" I assure her that I have absolute permission for scenarios like this and that he would in fact be delighted at my good fortune. I (foolishly) assume that I should also confirm that this is cool for her to be doing.
"Will your husband be okay with this?"
"Oh, absolutely not."
Apparently drunk me had a very strong conscience that night. I gently removed her face from my thigh area and advise her that we had to stop. She definitely tried to argue the point but my decision was made.
There was no way I could have walked out of that bathroom to face her husband who was right outside the house if we hadn't.
Here's a sexy, romantic Lifetime movie teenage dream type of situation: Thanks to my job at the time, I was able to meet all kinds of musicians and bands if I made the effort to reach out to them. One band in particular I really liked and became friendly with, and we'd hang out together whenever they were touring on the west coast. The whole band was a bunch of really good guys, super talented - and most of them family men. Well, one fine day I was invited to meet up with one of them - the hot one I had a secret crush on anyway - and go hang out and get dinner. We did all that, and it was great, but then came the, "Hey, wanna hear our new demo? I've got the CD in my room" spiel.
I really actually did want to hear the demo (they won a grammy for the finished album, eventually!), so I went up and listened, but man...I could really feel the electricity, now that we were alone in his flippin' hotel room! We were actual friends by that point who talked on the phone and met up every few months, and I knew he had a family and had heard plenty about them, actually, so there was just no way anything was going to happen. Before it could get more tense in there, I made my excuse to gtfo and drove on back home. I had a major crush on this guy, but I couldn't have lived with myself if I had allowed anything to happen. I'm glad I didn't (but I wanted to!!!).
Back when I was a virgin, I kind of lost hope of losing my virginity with conventional means (wasn't good at finding someone to date), but I really wanted to try having sex, so I tried to arrange it with some guy I knew and whom I was kind of attracted too, but didn't want to date (and he most likely didn't want to date me either).
So, I told him about it and he said yes and was enthusiastic at first. But then he told me he'd only do it if I got checked for STDs and brought him the medical record saying I was healthy. He knew I was a virgin (I don't think he doubted that), but he claimed I still might have something. I guess, one might say it's reasonable, but as a virgin I felt really shy about going to the doctor and asking to check for STDs.
And then he also said that we could have sex but he wouldn't kiss me, because kissing is only for girlfriends and someone he loves, not just for hookups. This made me go even more like "Oh wow, what an exciting first time this is going to be!"
Then turned out he also didn't want to bother with helping me find a place for us to have sex. He said we couldn't do it at his place, but I lived with my mom and brother, both of whom had irregular work schedule, so you know... Plus, he didn't want to meet outside to hang out and get in the mood first, he just said "Well, call me when you're ready and I'll come have sex with you", which was problematic cause a) I needed to get in the mood; b) My living situations was not so good.
At the same time he really liked talking online about what we were going to do and how we were going to do it, etc. So, he ended up being more talk than business, and in the end nothing happened. Maybe I should've shown more initiative, but I was inexperienced and didn't know how to go about it. But in the end, I don't regret that it didn't happen. I lost virginity much later but with someone I was in love with.
Not Cool, BroGiphy
First he took me behind a Kohls to have sex in his truck. If that wasn't a turn off enough, I asked him if he had a condom and he said no. I asked him to buy some, there were plenty of places around. He told me he was too big and only certain stores sold his size of condom and they were far out of the way.
I told him forget it and to just drop me off down town. He was so mad and tried convincing me to change my mind the whole ride. The more I said no, the angrier he got. When he dropped me off he didn't even wait for me to exit the car all the way before taking off.
Came home from a date ready to roll. I went to the bathroom to freshen up and when I came out I caught her eating my pet rabbits treats... (pet food) she insisted humans can eat them too, I insisted I had a headache.
We had a lot of food at dinner so no I did not skimp on the dinner!!