oh-myyy-ribbon

"Speak now or forever hold your peace!" Does anyone even really do that? A stunt like that takes a ton of guts and definitely a touch of crazy. That's a bit we've only ever really seen in the movies or on a daytime drama, or when Jackson and April ran off on 'Grey's Anatomy!' So basically it's a dramatic, fictional moment... or so we all thought!


Redditor AdamLea asked People who didn't forever hold their peace in a wedding, why? Honey, you will be stunned by the actions of some wedding attendees. And all before the open bar!

Bless me Padre...

Giphy

I am a Priest, here's a mildly interesting tidbit about this.

In a church context this question is a holdover from the days when the civil authorities had little to do with weddings and it was simply administered solely by the church, therefore it was the churches responsibility to ensure that nothing was amiss: most notably, issues of adultery or of consanguinity (being too closely related by blood).

Now that couples must receive their marriage license from the state before being married in the church, this question is essentially moot as the state has already determined that barring some sort of identity theft, there are no impediments to their being married. We still ask because there may be reasons, such as adultery, that require investigation.

If someone does object during a church service it is protocol to take them and the couple into the vestry and determine what the source of the objection is. If it was a joke, they are a jerk for interrupting and we carry on. If it is real, like a groomsman sleeping with the bride the night before her wedding, then stuff hits the fan.

Auto_Fac

REDDIT

Nobody likes you either Sir!

My husband and I got married in a public park, near a bay that we grew up fishing in.

Mid-ceremony, a little fishing boat motors on by, with two guys in it. The are probably about 80 yards away, holding beers. One says "Look, it's a wedding." About a minute later, the other yells, "SHE DON'T EVEN LIKE YOU!" My mother-in-law yelled back, "DON'T MAKE ME CUT YOU AT MY SON'S WEDDING."

Forever immortalized in my wedding video. That's what I get for having a wedding in a public area.

lilsugarpackets

Whoops! Forgot about her!

Giphy

My dad is a minister. He once had a lady stand up in the church and say that the marriage couldn't go forward because she was still married to the groom.

Wedding canceled.

CBD_Sasquatch

Your vote doesn't count!

My husband and I had a Justice of the Peace wedding, then did the actual ceremony with a priest later. The priest was super cool and had come through at the last second when our original officiant backed out. When he got to the part about objecting, he said "And if anyone has any reason why these two should not be wed... you're too late."

jyuro

Never invite Jack Sparrow to your nuptials...

When my neighbors got married, they had a semi- pirate themed wedding on a tall ship anchored in the harbour. They had met in fencing class and are also some of the most eccentric people I've ever met. When the officiant asked the question, one of their fencing buddies stood up and yelled that the bride deserved better, and the groom was nothing but a swashbuckling good-for-nothing. So the groom challenged him to a duel, they fenced their way up the aisle and the groom threw him over the edge of the boat.

They've been just as entertaining to live next door to ever since.

MiyaxKapugen

Warden?! I object!

Giphy

My mom wanted to stop the marriage of her half-brother and her step-sister, but the wedding was in prison so she wasn't able to attend.

smilbandit

Bro.. Not cool!

Priest: "...that these 2 should not be wed?"

GF of best man: "THAT AIN'T YER KID IN THERE!!"

Best man was sexing his fiancee since the groom's 2 month trip to China. He thought he was great at hiding it from his GF. He was not. Think 3 relationships ended there and a few more friendships.

Now if it was 20 grand....

Not my wedding, nor my peace that didn't get held.

My best friend, the morning before his wedding, his crazy uncle (you know, that one black sheep uncle that everybody seems to have), shows up at his door. "You don't have to do this. We're 2 hours drive from Mexico, here's the keys to my car, the tank is full, and here's 10 grand in cash." My buddy laughs and closes the door on him.

Later, during this very fancy, very prim and proper Catholic wedding, it comes to the 'anybody here' part. Immediately that uncle stands up in the pew, in the back, starts rattling his car keys as loud as he can, and yells "TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN, BOY!"

ShabaDabaDo

I love Al Roker!

Giphy

My wife's grandmother was a sweet woman who was battling dementia and Alzheimer's. When it came to that part of the ceremony, she blurted out "Women aren't allowed to marry people!" (Our officiant was a female minister). After a short pause and some shushing from the family she then exclaimed "BUT HE LOOKS LIKE AL ROKER!" I'm a pasty Irish boy, for what it's worth.

LookatitOmar

The priest almost sounded like he was objecting during my sister-in-law's wedding. When he got to the "If anyone wants to oppose..." part he started talking about how normally the bride and groom would have come to a meeting with him prior to the ceremony, where he would ensure that there were no reservations etc., but this couple was too busy... so it was the first time he was unsure if they were going to last... He went on for several minutes about it, during the middle of the ceremony.

It turned out that he had an undiagnosed brain tumor and passed away only a few weeks later, and had started to become mentally unstable right after the wedding.

Tree_Eyed_Crow

Thanks Papa Scrooge...

I really wanted to...bride/groom had decided to split a week before the wedding, but bride's dad said he wouldn't pay for all the related expenses (and had already paid all deposits) unless they went ahead with the wedding, so they went ahead with the sham. Not everyone present knew and the couple acted their way through a grotesque display. They lived together just long enough to finalize all the split-up details then divorced.

Truly a nightmare day for those of us who knew the couple well.

challam

False Alarm Y'all! Continue...

Giphy

My Aunt had her wedding at my Grandmother's house. It was a nice Saturday afternoon, 1pm wedding.

"If anyone has reason..."

(A very loud car in the distance does a short burnout)

After a pause, the Pastor continues "If anyone has reason that these two shouldn't be..."

(Same car in the distance loudly pulls a full quarter mile run, 10 seconds or less pass before it is quiet again).

There was a nearby dragstrip and they were not supposed to start until 2pm, both the 1pm wedding started late and the 2pm drag racing started early. The entire ceremony had 10 second or less interruptions.

SuspiciousMystic

Exit stage left...

Was at a Hindu wedding. It's a 3 hour ceremony that happens on a stage and there were 500 guests. At some point a group of young guys walk to the front of the hall. The bride walks off the stage and leaves through the side of the hall with the the group of guys. Anyway the priest carried on chanting and with the ceremony. The guests assume everything is going on as per normal for the next 15 minutes. After that there were some sudden side conversations between parents, priest groom etc. Turns out that the bride to be left with her boyfriend. The marriage to the groom was arranged and the boyfriend was someone that the father did not like. Last I heard was that the boyfriend and the bride were still together.

darthtoe

Don't mess with a Prophecy!

We had this line taken out of our wedding because we knew my MIL would object if given the opportunity. She showed up with a friend we had NOT invited (who wore all black) & sat in the front row bawling the whole time. She had written me a 6 page letter the week before the wedding literally calling me the Antichrist & was/is convinced she's a prophetess of God & that my husband & I were not supposed to get married because she had "prophesied" he was supposed to marry someone else so he could become the next Billy Graham. 12 years later, marriage is still going strong... but we don't have contact w/MIL. Big surprise.

HepburnInConverses

Giphy

My favorite was a wedding I went to for a friend where when they asked this question the father of the bride unloaded a fart that echoed off the church bench so loud that everyone stopped and just looked at him.

The bride started laughing so hard that her face turned bright red and she had to sit down. 10 minutes of her laughing so hard she didn't make a sound while the rest of the church laughed. Finally the dad stands up and says "Look I had a bagel this morning, it didn't sit well". The mother of the bride hit him but laughed and everyone laughed again. Was probably the best wedding I have ever seen.

Gromby

Maybe y'all should look into Polyamory...

Sort of multi-layered. It started at the bachelorette party and carried over into the wedding.

So, I was not part of this wedding, but was present, and part of the bachelorette party was kind of an open house, anyone show up sort of deal with some "party royalty." Basically the bridal party went to a bar and all the friends could swing by and say hi. So I do that and get beer and congrats and whatever.

Go to the ladies room and the bride is in there with her arms crossed and someone is crying in a stall. Turns out, one of the bridesmaids got drunk and basically said, "I'm so glad you and Fiance could forgive each other after he cheated, you're so good together." But the bride didn't know about the cheating.

So the bride decides to lay into the bridesmaid and talk about bridesmaid's husband, how he's a sleezebag who cheated at some point too. So bridesmaid is crying in a stall and bride is pissed. I make a quick exit. The wedding still happens that weekend.

I'm milling around with the guests in pre-wedding mode, my spidey senses are on high alert cause of the drama I heard at the party. And sure enough, the bridesmaid's husband is like, trying to force himself into the getting ready area with the bride to yell at her for judging, cause apparently HE has more dirt on her.

So the groom cheated, the bridesmaid's husband cheated, and apparently the bride at some point cheated or at least was way too friendly with an ex. I didn't hear all the details on the last one. No one was holding peace that day.

fuqmook

We hear you Jesus!

At my uncles wedding the priest asked the question and there was a massive crack of thunder.

Fission_chip

Stay away from the cocktail franks...

Giphy

A few years after I graduated from college, a distant friend from high-school asked if I would stand up in her wedding because one of members of the wedding party had backed out. I said sure, happy to do so because I would be at the wedding anyway. I show up at the wedding as the replacement member of the wedding party and assume my place at the front of the church during the ceremony. At the point in the ceremony where the minister asks people 'speak now or forever hold your peace' this person who I replaced in the wedding party shows up at the chapel , points to the happy couple and says "I got crabs from them." Seems the happy couple had a 3 way with this person sometime before the wedding which is why I had to replace that person in the wedding party. Further seems that the reason that this person got crabs is that this couple had LOTS of 3 ways and extra relationship sex before getting married. This was later confirmed by other members of the wedding party.

NO JOKE: the appetizer at the wedding reception was crab cakes. You can't make this stuff up folks!

At my cousin's wedding, it was a full on, 2 hour long Catholic affair with hymns, blessings, verse readings, etc. Anyway the priest asks the question and my cousin's brother stood up, adjusted his shirt, stared at my cousin getting married for what felt like forever, grinned then slowly sat down.

My cousin getting married went completely insane, ran down from the altar and socked him right in the nose, screaming "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO RUIN EVERYTHING!??"

And that's how I was a part of a MASS brawl lol

crochetprozac

NOW a warning?!

Heard from my Dad, a former C of E priest:

Dad: 'Anyone who knows a reason why these two should not be married should speak now or forever hold their peace'

Bride: 'Yeah I do. He was in bed with my bridesmaid last night' slaps groom, walks back down aisle.

Dad:'......well I think obviously we can't continue. Thank you all for coming'

JackB159

Be smart. Have a counter-plan!

Giphy

I conducted my friends' wedding - we wrote in the line "if there is any person here present who knows of any legal impediment to these two people being joined in matrimony, then frankly you should have said something before now, you've had the invitation for months."

kalshassan

There aren't too many things that would make you go, "Man, I'd rather go to hell than be here right now. Hell has demons, torture, fire, and all the ill-prepared pizza they can shove down my throat." However, if you had to choose between these people's predicaments and hell, you'd probably be ready to have pizza for dinner.

Keep reading... Show less

You don't need to have children to be successful, but gender roles and societal expectations are awful. Just ask any woman you know: Chances are she's been poked and prodded and interrogated over her decision not to have children.

Keep reading... Show less

Dad jokes can feel like the unloved step-sibling of the comical world. "Why would we laugh at something so obvious and stupid?"

Becuase it's hilarious, that's why. Just check out the following entries below and see for yourself.

Reddit user, u/GrotiusandPufendorf, wanted to know what the funniest jokes on the planet are when they asked:

What is your favorite dad joke?

A Murder Of Cows?

Giphy

Dad: Look at that flock of cows over there.

Kids: A HERD of cows.

Dad: Of course I heard of cows, there is a flock of them right over there.

Note: pulled that joke successfully a few times, and my kids even did it to their summer camp instructor.

ManOfLaBook

We Should Probably Leaf

At the park with my girls: "Dad, can we go play?"

Me: "sure, just stay away from those trees over there"

Girls: " umm...ok, why?"

Me: " I don't know...they look a little shady to me."

Good for producing eye rolls

Fleurdelis502

What Better Way To Carry It Home

Giphy

"Would you like the milk in the bag?"

Dad: "No thanks, you can keep it in the carton."

Captain-Yesh

Scrambled Or Over-Easy?

Dad at breakfast: I'll have bacon and eggs, please

Waiter: How do you like your eggs?

Dad: I don't know, I haven't gotten them yet!

roman12325

Feeling The Humor

Dad: "Nice shirt, is that felt?"

Not Dad: "No."

Dad: Reaches over and touches sleeve "It is now!"

Cheese_Pancakes

That Joke Killed!

Giphy

Why do graveyards have gates?

Because people are dying to get in.

My Dad always told it passing a graveyard.

Vlaed

Lean Back. Lean Back.

"I love my furniture. My recliner and I go way back."

akaShadezz11

Stating The Obvious, But Still Hilarious

I had a terrible day yesterday. As I was walking home, a man in a wheelchair stole my camouflage jacket!

As he was wheeling away, I shouted after him, "you can hide but you can't run!"

Jantra

Give It A Second...

Giphy

A magician was walking down the street.

Then, he turned into a grocery store.

aworldwithoutshrimp

Car Humor. That's All.

Dad putting car in reverse

Dad: Ahh, this takes me back

Hkatsupreme

That's Always The Point

Not a joke in the traditional sense but, when I'm at a restaurant and the waitress says "Do you wanna box for that?" I always reply with "No, but I'll wrestle you for it."

No one ever gets it but it makes me laugh. And that's the point, right?

bdoz138

And the King of Them All...?

Giphy

I tell dad jokes.

Sometimes he laughs.

Moleskin21

Believing in dub stuff as a kid is par for the course. When we're children, we're just tinier humans with less life experience, right? But let's be real- some of the dumb things we believed were actually really, really dumb.

u/ThePolishPA asked: What's the dumbest thing you believed as a child?

Keep reading... Show less

They always say, don't meet your heroes. But here's the thing- sometimes your heroes are actually just chill, normal people. This can be refreshing in a world of egos.

A Quora user asked: Who's the nicest celebrity you've ever met?

Keep reading... Show less

@BigDon0/Twitter


Oprah Winfrey may no longer be doling out free cars by the dozens like she did on her long-running day time talk show.

But that doesn't mean her generosity is history.

Keep reading... Show less