All domestic animals deserve to have loving, forever home.
But when it comes to adoption, some pets are simply easier to adopt out than others.
Take long-time foster mom, Tyfanie Fortuna, who struggled for a long time to write an adoption ad for one of her current foster pups, a two-year-old chihuahua named Prancer.
She wanted to write up a nice, friendly adoption ad, but she realized she just couldn't do it.
Instead, she decided to tell the truth, and the results were hilarious.
Fortuna candidly described her struggles to write an ad.
"Ok, I've tried. I've tried for the last several months to post this dog for adoption and make him sound... palatable. The problem is, he's just not."
"There's not a very big market for neurotic, man hating, animal hating, children hating dogs that look like gremlins."
"But I have to believe there's sormeone out there for Prancer, because I am tired and so is my family. Every day we live in the grips of the demonic Chihuahua h*llscape he has created in our home."
"If you own a Chihuahua you probably know what I'm talking about. He's literally the Chihuahua meme that describes them as being 50% hate and 50% tremble. If you're intrigued and horrified at how this animal sounds already, just wait....there's more."
She reflected on how Prancer came into her home.
"Prancer came to me obese, wearing a cashmere sweater, with a bacon egg n cheese stuffed in his crate with him. I should have known in that moment this dog would be a problem."
"He was owned by an elderly woman who treated him like a human and never socialized him. Sprinkle in a little genetic predisposition for being nervous, and you've concocted a neurotic mess, AKA Prancer."
"His first week he was too terrified to have a personality. As awful as it sounds, I kind of liked him better that way. He was quiet, and just laid on the couch. Didn't bother anyone."
"I was excited to see him come out of his shell and become a real dog. I am convinced at this point he is not a real dog, but more like a vessel for a traumatized Victorian child that now haunts our home."
The foster mom also discussed some of the hardships they'd had.
"Prancer only likes women. Nothing else. He hates men more than women do, which says a lot."
"If you have a husband don't bother applying, unless you hate him."
"Prancer has lived with a man for 6 months and still has not accepted him. He bonds to a woman/women, and takes his job of protection seriously. He offers better protection than capitol security."
"This also extends to other animals. Have other dogs? Cats? Don't apply unless they like being shaken up like a ragdoll by a 13lb rage machine."
"This may be confusing to people, as he currently lives with my other 7 dogs and 12 cats. That's because we have somewhat come to an agreement that it's wrong to attack the other animals."
"But you know that episode of The Office where Michael Scott silently whispers 'I'll kill you.' to Toby? That's Prancer having to begrudgingly coexist with everyone when I'm around."
"We also mentioned no kids for Prancer. I think at this point, you can imagine why."
"He's never been in the presence of a child, but I can already imagine the demonic noises and shaking fury that would erupt from his body if he was."
"Prancer wants to be your only child."
But Fortuna still had positive things to say.
"So what are his good traits? He is loyal beyond belief, although to tell you a secret his complex is really just a facade for his fear. If someone tried to kill you I can guarantee he would run away screeching."
"But as far as companionship, you will never be alone again."
"He likes to go for car rides, he is housebroken, he knows a few basic commands, he is quiet and non-destructive when left alone at home, and even though we call him bologna face he is kind of cute to look at. He also 'smiles' when he is excited."
"His ideal home would be with a single woman, a mother and daughter, or a Lesbian couple."
"You can't live in an apartment or a condo unless you want him to ankle bite your neighbors. We already addressed the men and children situation."
"If you have people over he would have to be put away like he's a vacuum."
"I know finding someone who wants a Chucky doll in a dog's body is hard, but I have to try."
"If you've always wanted your own haunted Victorian child in the body of a small dog that hates men and children, please email."
"Oh, also he's only 2yrs old and will probably live to be 21 through pure spite, so take that into account if you're interested."
The internet absolutely loved this hilarious rendition of an adoption ad.
This is the best thing I’ve read in awhile. https://t.co/rdn3X6GeWH— Hot Little Mongoose (@Hot Little Mongoose)1617973239.0
@HLMongoose This whole thing is amazing, but “He will probably live to be 21 through pure spite” took me out 🤣 I ho… https://t.co/MO7Za39vjI— Sarah J @ #StopAsianHate (@Sarah J @ #StopAsianHate)1618023739.0
@HLMongoose Prancer is all of our post pandemic selves. Grumpy & terrified.— Genuinely a Genevieve (@Genuinely a Genevieve)1618065787.0
@HLMongoose Honesty in its truest form.— Susan Cady Allred Author (@Susan Cady Allred Author)1618101211.0
@HLMongoose This accurately describes my very handsome and deeply disturbed son Gary. When he gets put away like a… https://t.co/yhM1Rj2Rtx— overcooked chicken breast (@overcooked chicken breast)1618012612.0
So much so, the ad went completely viral.
Fortuna has received some attention about a future in creative writing, and of course, Prancer shivered in the face of his new fame.
Heart-warmingly, this lovable demon dog has received a slew of interested applicants, but many had to be disqualified for the New Jersey dog because of the applicants' home locations.
Still living with Fortuna's family, Prancer is now an adoptable dog through the Second Chance Pet Adoption League, and local applicants are required. Though it's important for Prancer to be adopted, the home he is placed in is even more important and must be inspected prior to finalizing the adoption.