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Guilty Parents Admit The Outright Lies They’ve Told Their Children

Parents are always telling their children not to lie, so parents always tell the truth, right? Wrong! Sometimes parents tell a little white lie to get kids to behave. Sometimes they tell a whopper for other reasons. Here are some of the best lies parents have told.


26. Leafy Green Lies

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My mother told me that spinach would make me strong like Popeye, and if I ate it I could lift the house. I would have a few spoonfuls and then she'd rush outside with me. I'd try and lift the house, squeezing my eyes shut with the effort. She'd go "It moved! It moved! Quick, eat some more!" and I'd run back inside and finish it off.

-- aza9999

25. Food Court

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Burger King is for royalty.

Happy Meals are for poor kids who's parents can't buy them toys and they're sad.

If you touch your peepee without going potty, it'll fall off.

If you eat enough vegetables, your body makes them taste like candy.

If you don't wipe your butt properly, it'll close up and you'll have to spit out your poop.

If you don't learn how to read, your voice disappears. This one worked surprisingly well, because my son came down with strep and it freaked him out.

If you don't color in the lines, you'll start losing color and only see in black and white.

If you pee in the pool, you'll get the girls pregnant and have to get a job.

If you don't wash your hands before you eat, your food will start to taste like poop.

We aren't French so you can't eat French fries from McDonalds.

Lucky Charms are for Leprechauns. If you eat too many you'll shrink and have to wear a green suit and have a red beard.

24. Rock Garden

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My dad said if I could look after a special growing rock, and watered it each day until it stopped growing I could get a dog. I'd water it and every week, while I was at school he'd replace it with a slightly bigger rock.

--AppleChiaki

23. The MusicMobile

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I told both of my kids that the ice cream truck was the "music truck." It's purpose was to drive around and cheer up all the sad people.

--No_Filter217

22. Screaming For Ice cream

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I did that too! Told that story yesterday after hearing one from a co-worker: she told her son, who is afraid of clowns, that ice cream trucks were driven by clowns. He heard that music and sprinted to his room. Evil genius of a parent.

21. When Will Grandma Be Ripe?

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My dad told me when I was really little that graveyards were people farms.

--yusuf69

20. I’ll Have the Chicken Fish

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We got our daughter to eat fish by calling it "Argentinian Chicken." That worked for a long time until grandma came along and messed it up. Thanks, Grandma.

--effthegreen

19. The Family That Scares Together

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My dad always told me he was terrified of mice and rats so we couldn't go to Chuck E Cheese. I legitimately believed that until my cousin told me her dad (my dad's twin) had said the same thing.

My dad also told me there were monsters in our basement so I wouldn't go down the stairs and hurt myself. And one time, he paused saying goodnight to me and said "huh, thought I heard something in your closet. Oh well, night!"

He was awesome. I'm totally doing all those when I have kids.

--hometowngypsy

18. The No-No Button

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My dad always told me, that if I press a certain button on our remote control our tv would explode. As I grew older, I was curious and pressed said button only to see he saved adult channels on this one

--lisasavestheworld

17. Poor Kitties!

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When we went to the store my mom used to tell, "Every time (you) touch something a kitten dies."

--iamnos

16. Groundhog Easter Day?

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My father told me (and my Catholic cousin) that Easter was the day that Jesus rolled back the rock, and if he saw his shadow we'd have six more weeks of winter. My aunt was beyond pissed when my cousin broke that out at her first communion.

--sunnynorth

15. Calamari is What?!?

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My parents got me to eat calamari by telling me they were Italian onion rings.

--iamnos

14. Watermelon Whine

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I was told swallowing watermelon seeds would grow in my stomach.

I had a very nerve-wracking couple of months waiting.

--bNoaht

13. Toilet Ball

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My dad told me that if I swallowed chewing gum my poop would bounce up and down in the toilet.

I cried when I swallowed some gum.

--iamnos

12. By Invitation Only

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Chuck E. Cheese is only for birthday parties. You have to be invited to one to go there.

--iamnos

11. In the Red

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…my dad used to tell me if the RPM gauge in his manual transmission car got into the red the car would explode.

I am guessing I talked too much in the car because after that I never wanted to ride with him.

--shredda1212

10. Better Save The Batteries!

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They don't make batteries for that toy.

--iamnos

9. How Do You Get an Angry Meal?

I told my kids if they didn't behave in the drive-thru line they'd get a sad meal.

--iamnos

8. The Popsicle of Truth

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My mom told me my tongue turned purple when I lied. One day she caught me in a blatant lie, right after a grape popsicle.

I ran to the mirror and began to apologize until I cried. Never lied again... until I realized it was baloney.
--jfqs6m

7. Santa Needs a Brew

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My dad used to tell me Santa was tired of cookies and milk, I'd get extra toys if I left Doritos and a drink. That went on for years...

--iamnos

6. Watch That Word Count!

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People get 10,000 words per month. If you reach the limit you can't physically speak until the new month begins.

Anytime I was especially talkative, Dad would say, "Careful now, I have to think you are up over 9,000 by now." That would shut me right up.

--iamnos

5. Prepare for Takeoff

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My dad told me that pushing the seat recline button on an airplane helps the plane take off, and that if not enough people push it the plane would crash.

iamnos

4. Orange You Glad?

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My friends dad took it a step further. He says that one night his dad glued a small branch to his ear so when he woke up he thought an orange tree was growing out of his head. After seeing him crying for a while and after a few choice words from a disapproving mom his dad confessed and took the branch off. He said he was mad at his dad for like a week straight.

3. Crumby Excuse

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My mom told me that eating bread crusts would give me curly hair.

Ice_Burn

2. Cat's Outta The Bag

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Whenever I was having a tantrum in the supermarket as a small child my mum would go 'oh god! Did you see that kitten!? It just ran under that isle!!' And get all excited. Straight away I would stop having my tantrum and start looking for this kitten! Every time. For the rest of the trip I was so busy looking for the kitten and if I ever lost enthusiasm she would go 'oh look! There It went! I just saw it again!'

It took me longer than I would like to admit to realise that there's not a plague of kittens wandering around every shop in my home town.

On the plus side I now use this trick with my nephews and friends kids when they start having a tantrum in public. I have yet to see a kid that this doesn't work on.

flacedpenis

1. Seasonal Toys?

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My mom told me that companies only advertise bad products, because they have to trick people into buying their crap. It stopped me from begging for toys and also made me fairly immune to adds as an adult.

She also told me that certain toys, books, movies, and songs were 'seasonal' and you couldn't use or play them out of season. Which meant that she could rotate stuff every few months. Kept me more interested in my toys, and gave her a break.