It could be nonsense, or it could be gold. Anesthesia inhibits all the senses, including your so-called "filter," so you never know what may just slip out...
Some doctors and nurses have heard very funny things while working on their patients. u/makyael asked them:
Doctors and nurses of Reddit, What is the funniest thing you've heard when a patient was on anesthesia but you couldn't laugh?
Here were some of the best answers.
Hey! You! Get Offa My CloudGiphy
Late to the party as usual. I've had my share of decent ones over 15 years of nursing and EMS.
I had a flight medic coworker nearly get a divorce because he confessed to a divorce while profoundly disassociated. I'm 50/50 on whether he was being honest or if he hallucinated a past affair, but they ended up staying together I understand.
I had a medical malpractice lawyer offer his heartfelt apologies for being a med-mal lawyer after he had a few rounds of conscious sedation. That one gave me a good chuckle, but I sure as shit didn't show it while he was in the room.
I've been hit on many, many, many, many, many little old ladies after they get some versed and fentanyl. My wife has been hit on by...well she doesn't need the drugs to get hit on :) (And you young medics out there, go reeeeeeal easy on the versed on the old folks...)
One patient started telling dirty jokes, and didn't stop through the whole case. I actually had to force myself to stop listening so as to maintain my composure and situational awareness. Most were blonde jokes, and she was a late middle-aged blonde woman.
My Mom was an ER RN for decades. One of her favorites was a conscious sedation on a toddler. Mom: "Honey do you know where you are?" Kid: "Yes" Mom: "Where are you?" Kid: "On the cloud...riiiiiiight there (points at ceiling)" Mom to the orthopod: "I think we're good..."
I had a very attractive doc doing the procedure while I sedated. Patient asks us if the hospital only hires attractive people. :) Then the overweight neurologist consult pops his head in as asks if he counts too! Yeah, no stealing our limelight buddy...
Had a patient going in for a urology procedure under general anesthesia. RN goes to prep the groin (i.e. make it super-clean to reduce the risk of infection) and finds a note taped to the inner thigh of the patient. He'd left a note for his urologist! Gave us all a chuckle.
Speaking of thighs, part of my job duties used to include shaving the pubic hair from the hip area because femoral arterial and/or venous access was going to be obtained. (it reduces risk of infection by reducing surface area.). Lots of bikini jokes. Did I mention I get hit on by a lot of old ladies?
There are so many more...they all blur together at this point. These are the ones that really stand out.
I had a bad crash on my dirt bike and where I was was a long way from a hospital so it was about an hour drive in the ambulance (it wasn't serious enough for helicopter or even for them to use the lights and sirens) because it was a long bumpy road they loaded me up with drugs to make me comfortable.
When I was super high I noticed the driver of the ambulance and the paramedic that was tending to me (both males) didn't like each other very much (or so I thought in my state). I then proceeded to do what felt like an entire doctor Phil episode telling each of them that they need to learn to love each other and not judge each other because I like one of them better but I won't tell them which one.
This went on for what must have been half an hour before I finally said "okay so are we all good now?" To which they said laughingly "yes we're all good". To finalize I held up my hands and say "okay good, now kiss" smooching my hands together.
Don't Kill My Vibe, Don't Touch My WeaveGiphy
Not a nurse.
When I went under for Tonsillectomy when I was 17 I asked for no IV to be put in before they started to put me under with a mask (fear of needles from past trauma).
I think they gave me the IV anyway instead, because as the mask got placed on my face they asked me to sing to them. I sang "O Christmas, Tree" and I remember the nurses laughing.
Next thing I remembered was waking up after and asking when they were actually going to do the procedure, and the nurse kept brushing my bangs out of my face every time she came to check on me....but as a teenage girl my bangs were everything and I kept brushing them back over one eye.
Reversal Of Mood
As a teenager I had my wisdom teeth out and my mouth was filled with gauze so I couldn't SAY anything but when I came to I was standing and I was really grumpy so when they told me "This way sweetie" all I could think was "That's where the f*cking door is, DUH you morons!!!"
Fast forward years later and I tell them I wake up grumpy when I'm about to have surgery on my broken arm. They tell me there's not much they can do about that so I'm ready to wake up and be in a sour mood--turns out I woke up and immediately called the nurse closest to me "So beautiful." Ironically, unless she was two inches from my face, I couldn't see her without my glasses. Whatever. She was probably gorgeous but hell if I would have known.
Well, That Wasn't The Shield I'd Expected
After my wisdom teeth were removed I woke up in a chair. Looked around then felt my left cheek which was still very very numb. I remember clearly thinking "oh great they put a shield in my face to protect me" and immediately began punching my face. My mom and nurse were both there.
My mom lightly touched my arm and said EJ-DJ don't do that. I flopped my head over to look at her and responded "Mom, iiiiii'm fine" and swung my face over to meet my fist as hard as I could. I did this until my fist and knuckles hurt. I looked at my hand thinking "that's such a strong shield" opened my fist saw my palm and thought "nice" and palmed my face as hard as I could until my shoulder was tired.
I then tried this on the right side of my face but the anesthesia was wearing off so I somewhat felt it and determined that instead of a shield they had just put a rock there to protect me so I stopped.
I later learned the reason my mom didn't do more to stop me was I was 16 years old and she was terrified that if she "disciplined" me I would rebel by doing drugs and shagging prostitutes. Lucky for her my anesthesia high induced self-harm rampage really put me on the straight and narrow and I have neither done drugs nor shagged prostitutes. Thanks Mom
This Is Far Too Much Information, Thanks!Giphy
Had to perform conscious sedation on this early 40's woman who fell and fractured her wrist while completely sh*t-faced. Her partner who appeared younger than her was by her side during triage and Xray. After reducing her fracture, as she was regaining consciousness told us repeatedly how big her partners c*ck was, and basically various ways she could use it.
Had to be put under when I broke my arm. When I came to I tried stretching but my left arm was in a cast so when it stopped so did my right arm. I thought I was in a bubble. Thinking this I saw the rainbow colored reflection of light and then thought I was riding down a rainbow yelling WEEEE at the top of my lungs. I got a lot of laughs that night lol.
Stacey's Mom's In Love With Me
Had a middle aged mother of three come back to her room. Her husband was sitting in a chair on the other side of the room and she leaned close to me and whispered, "you're a very pretty girl" and winked at me. Hard to hold it together when she continued to come onto me.
No Gas Shall Be Passed In MY ColonoscopyGiphy
A guy in his 50's came in for a routine colonoscopy. He had "cleaned out" the night before, got fentanyl and versed, and was out. About halfway through, air starts coming out of his bowel in loud farts, as it commonly does, but it wakes him up and he is convinced the doctor is farting during his procedure. He demands him to stop and "have some respect". The doc lightly chuckles and orders another mg Versed.
My Own Mythos
I got my wisdom teeth out a while back, and my mom worked from home that day to keep an eye on me. When I came out from anesthesia, I apparently repeatedly told the nurse "I have the best mom ever! She's awesome!" and then trying to tell them her long-*ss fancy job title (I can't do that sober, which gives you an idea of what they were seeing).
When the nurse brought Mom back to see me, I told her a couple of times that I felt like Rip Van Winkle, and that I needed to go back to sleep to fulfill my prophecy.
Then in the car on the way home, I became obsessed with a spot of dirt on my window, and badgered my poor mom into going through the car wash to "get rid of the spot before it steals my soul!"
Yeah...I have no clue what they gave me, but it was some seriously good sh*t.
Compliments That Are Out Of Line
I was a patient as well and I had a really bad appendix rupture so I had a drainage bag put in me. I was so hot and just internally f*cked up I don't remember the first 3 days. My mom told me at one point I called my nurse a milf then backtracked saying I wanted some milk (i was 15 at the time).
The nurse was apparently really cool about it and said how that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to her. Also when I got out of surgery and got on the elevator to go to my floor I guess I was in awe and said "I've read about this place"
Frank Zappa Will Do That To YaGiphy
Not a doctor. I had surgery on my butt with general anesthetic. The surgery took place in a private clinic. In the salon we had a TV and the nurses always kept the remote and the TV was set to AMC all the time I was in there. When the surgery was over and I was starting to wake up a nurse brought me back to the salon and put me back on the bed.
I was on cloud 9 and can't remember anything that happened after the surgery. Next day a nurse came to my bed to see if I was ok. I told her that I don't remember anything that happened the night before. She told me I was mesmerized by a movie that was on TV and when she asked me if I needed anything I replied:
"Umm....yeah.....can you give me some morphine?". She said that she cannot do that and asked me why do I need morphine. She said my last words after surgery were "I think I'm not tripping as hard as I need to" and then immediately fell asleep. I found out later that day that the movie was Frank Zappa's 200 Motels.
What A Time To Be A Singer
They gave me Vicodin before my Lasik surgery a few years ago. It hit me HARD and it was like I was drunk. I had to wait a few minutes before the procedure room was ready. Apparently I blew up my boyfriends (now husband) phone with texts like "I love you more than wine," and "I can't feel my eyeballs!!" He was in the middle of taking an exam after a training class for work, and my texts were quite the distraction lol.
During the procedure, I started singing...and I should add I was a classically trained opera singer in my youth. The song, of my own creation went, "Getting my eyes did, I'm gonna see good! Gonna have eyesight and not be all blind!! No glasses for meeeeeeeee!!!!" After I was asked to stop singing, I go "hey Doc! When you do these things, do you ever make sound effects in your head? Pew pew! Pew! Pew!!"
That's when the doctor told me the procedure room was a no talking zone.
Dory Would Be Proud
Im late to this.
But I work in theatre as a scrub nurse. We did an ACL recon on a girl around 22 years old. As she was waking up from the anaesthetic she started making weird moaning noises. We thought something was wrong because her eyes looked worried. Trying to get info out of her went as follows:
"Are you okay? Are you sore?"
Shaking her head "Wooooaaaaaahhhhhh. Whaaaaaaaaaa"
"Are you thirsty?"
"Ill get you a drink when you're a bit more awake. You sound like a whale"
Nodding enthusiastically "whaaaaaaaaa wooooooaaaaahhhhh"
"Are you speaking whale?"
Nodding and smiling "woohh"
45 minutes later when everything wore off she asked if she was making animal noises because she remembers speaking whale.
Equal Opportunity, For The Right Ice CreamGiphy
Not a doctor, but I had an upper GI endoscopy done last week. I'm sure I said some funny things, but what I remember during the wake up process is this:
- To one of the other doctors in the room, I remember grabbing his face and telling him some really prophetic things about an Archangel guiding his life path, and that said angel loves him dearly. (I'm pagan, but I guess I'm an equal opportunity prophet?)
- Talking to the anesthesiologist about how Ben and Jerry's discontinued my favorite flavor years ago, Black and Tan, and I really wanted some.
Lost That Time (But They Sure Remember)
When I shattered my ankle and leg years ago I received a large dose of Etomidate, which is more of a dissociative drug so they could reduce (set) all the mess in my leg before I had surgery a week later. So I was totally "conscious" throughout the process but do not remember it at all. They told my dad to leave the room because it would be "hard to watch" but like myself he works in EMS so he declined and stayed with me.
One of the nurses and I were having a conversation about something random and I was mid-sentence, and then blink I finish my sentence and everyone looks at me weird. Apparently between the first half of my sentence and the second they had completed the procedure, during which I had screamed obscenities and tossed nurses and my father around the room. But for me, it all happened in an instant and my brain popped right back to where I left off. Pretty cool, but kind of scary to think of just losing time like that.
Thank Goodness You Don't Still Support Ron Paul
Not a doctor but when I came out of my operation for wisdom teeth I was extremely high because the root ran deeper than they previously thought and had to keep me under for longer. My mom was cracking up as I professed my love for Ron Paul the entire way home, even saying I wanted to have his children. I am a guy.
This was before I had come to my senses and shifted more to the left, but it is still funny watching me on video.
But The Hangover ThoughGiphy
I had jaw surgery at 17 to fix a massive overbite. The anesthesiologist gives me the drugs (whatever it was, gas mask deal). I was a pretty sheltered 17 year old that hadn't been drunk or high yet, and this stuff was a BLAST. I wasn't awake for long, but I remember saying "wwhooooaaaahhh!!!" And shaking my head back and forth, watching the room get swirly.
The last thing I heard:
Surgeon: "I think he likes it."
Anesthesiologist (perfect timing, deadpan delivery): "yeah, it comes in six-packs."
Roused By The Baby
Reverse of what you asked. I thought I was hilarious!
Awoke from anesthesia and the nurse asked me where I was. I said "Edmonton" and burst out laughing because I'm from a small town outside of Edmonton.
Nurse, very seriously, "Do you know where you are?"
Me, very seriously, "Yes, I'm in recovery, and you're no fun."
I then burst into laughter again.
Another time, going under, I mumbled, "It does taste like garlic."
I remember the anesthesiologist laughing and I was out.
Third time, again recovery, eight months after having my daughter.
I hear a baby crying and I start thrashing around, trying to wake up. It's like coming up from the bottom of the ocean...
Nurse, "What's wrong?!" while restraining me.
"My baby! I hear my baby crying!"
"Oh, that's a 12 year old boy in the next bed. He just had his tonsils removed."
Poof! I was out again. Apparently motherly instinct is only instinct about your own child when groggy.
A Narrative I Wish I Could Un-Know
I have 2 from my days as a Naval medic doing my training in a civilian hospital.
The first was a patient that was a professional rugby player undergoing an electric cardioversion. This a a procedure where a person has an abnormal heart rhythm and is put to sleep for just long enough for the heart to be shocked back into a normal rhythm using a defibrillator.
The patient, being a rugby player, was a big man and the and the anesthetist had a long discussion with the surgeon about the amount of anesthetic that should be administered to knock the guy out for just a few minutes. Eventually they came to a decision and administered the anesthetic. The moment that they shocked the patient with the defib he sat bolt upright, looked at the surgeon and screamed "What the f*ck was that?" before flopping back down onto the table, unconscious.
The second was an older lady in her sixties, that was admitted with abdominal pain and bleeding and had been given some fairly strong pain killers and some gas and air that had made her as high as a kite. The Dr I was assisting wanted to carry out a rigid sigmoidoscopy so we asked the husband to stand outside of the curtains while we carried out the procedure.
A rigid sigmoidoscope looks like a dildo with a handle on it (almost in the shape of a gun) the instrument is put up the patients anus and the centre is removed, leaving a hollow tube inside the anus, allowing the dr to see the last part of the sigmoid colon.
As soon as the end of the scope touches the patients *ss she screams "Oh no Derrick!" the Dr, trying hard not to laugh, pushed the scope into the patients backside. The lady then said again "No Derrick, No!" followed by "You know I don't like this Derrick, We only do this when I'm drunk, it's too messy!"
At his point the Dr's shoulders are shaking with the effort of not laughing and the lady follows up with "For god's sake Derrick, just put it in then and get it over with". We all managed to maintain our professionalism and composure but when we opened the curtains for her husband to be allowed back in Derrick had gone for a walk.
When I had my very very impacted wisdom teeth removed, I asked the nurse to punch me in the face while my face was still numb.
"I wont feel it I promise."
"I'm not punching you in the face. Please stop asking."
My step-daughter and I had a . . . complicated . . . relationship. I came into her life when she was a young teen and, for a while there, she was wary of me. She thought I was going to keep her mom away from her (I didn't) or that I was trying to replace her bio dad (I wasn't).
When it came time for her to have her wisdom teeth out, she had the whole conscious sedation thing and her mom and I brought her home. I still have a video of her being very concerned that she left her tongue at the dentist's office and me telling her that I would go get it as soon as she finished her shake.
But the thing that still gives me chills is when, later that day, she was complaining that there was something on her (apparently now returned) tongue. She was trying to reach into her mouth to get it out and her mom called me into her bedroom to hold her hands while her mom looked in her mouth. I did and her mom turned to me and said, "Oh my god, there really is something on her tongue."
I told her to take it out and she said she couldn't. So I had to. Ummmmm, ok.
I look into her mouth and it looks like there's clear fishing line on her tongue. I hesitantly reach in, grab it and gently pull it from her mouth, hoping that it wasn't attached to anything. It wasn't.
This Time It Wasn't The Sedated One
I was an OR nurse for several years. Anesthesia was started as soon as the patient hit the holding room to help relax them. I was taking care of this old guy (70s) when his much, much younger wife proceeded to tell him all the secrets she had been hiding.
She wrecked the car, had an affair, blah blah blah.
He just nodded. She informed me that she had been waiting for the exact time to disclose all of this info because she knew her sugar daddy wasn't going to remember anything. Well played. Well played.
Puns On Puns On PunsGiphy
Apparently I said this, they told my wife.
Me: Woken up after back surgery
5 mins later:
Me: Is she ok?
Me: That actress who was stabbed
Nurse: Really, who??
Me: I don't know...Reese somebody
Me: No, with a knife!
Me: Laugh like a hyena for 5 mins
The Queen Would Be Proud
I woke up unable to remember my native language, so I switched over to English, like with a proper British accent and everything. My dentist commented that maybe he should go under as well because he'd always wanted to learn French. My mother eventually got scared it wouldn't wear off and refused to talk to me until it did.
I'll preface this by saying that I don't like hospitals... especially when I'm the patient.
I went in for a colonoscopy and was given Propofol and whatever for pain. I'm a complete drug wimp so fell asleep in about 2 seconds. When it was over, I was being taken to recovery and I kind of woke up. I said, "Am I done? Can I go home?" and the nurse said, "you can't go home until you pass gas so that we know all of the air is out of your intestines."
I thought, "right, then... " and as I was being wheeled into the little recovery bay (with curtains, not walls), I pushed as hard as I could.
Simultaneously my husband stood up and said, "hey, ba---" and I farted so loudly and for so long that I almost launched myself into the next room. I heard my husband bellow, "JESUS CHRIST!" and then I heard some laughter from somewhere else.
I said, "I'm ready to go home!" and passed back out while my husband stood there looking around in confusion about what had just happened. I've never heard the end of this.
Because I Got HighGiphy
When sending my patient to sleep, we were giving the drugs via the IV he said "you'll have to give me lots of that stuff" (referring to the drugs). Worried I said "why?" Thinking he an undisclosed allergy or condition we hadn't known about, instead he said as he fell asleep "because I smoke weeeeeeeeeee". Difficult to keep a straight face!
Got Lost In This Game
I have epilepsy and we have a fugue state after our seizures where we're confused and loopy but it's also blacked out in our heads so I don't remember this at all.
Apparently, in the ambulance after the seizure I was singing Britney Spears "Oops I did it again" in reference to seizing again. The EMT's found it so funny that they made sure to tell me about it once I was in the hospital and awake enough to remember.
Then a few weeks later I got a package with a Britney Spears CD in it and a post it note saying "Seize the moment. But seriously, take your medicine."
I have type 1 diabetes, so any time I'm anesthetized, a lot of concern is directed at low blood sugar. My wisdom teeth surgery was done as the first of the day (to avoid fasting as much as possible) and after I woke up, they made me drink a glass of juice. I chugged it and then raised both my fists in the air and said loudly "I didn't spill ANY."
I'm still pretty proud of that, numb mouth, half out of it and with fewer teeth than normal? That's skill.
I was also sure my anesthesia wasn't actually working the first time I went under. They pushed it into my arm, I hung out for a few, and then looked at the nurse and said "I don't think it worked, I don't feel any different," but she just kind of glanced at me and they wheeled me off anyway.
I objected once more and then concluded I was just going in dry and shouted "Alright fine BRING IT ON". And then suddenly I was wearing gauze underpants in a different room and a nice nurse handed me a ginger ale and asked me to rate my pain on a scale of 1-10.
This is what I remember:
According to all witnesses what actually happened following the drug push was as follows: I lolled my head towards the nurse, struggled to focus, said "Uh duh finkus wording", she patted my hand and told me I would be fine, I grunted a bit when they took away my stuffed lion (may or may not have been drooling at this point), and then I just let out a strange whoop-holler and went out like a light.
Comparisons And ListGiphy
Peds ED doc here. We do tons of sedations and ketamine is our drug of choice. I usually warn parents/family about the side effects and I've never had anyone truly get mad when their kid said something under the influence. Some swearing, some very intense discussions about Pokemon, etc. It's pretty common. But my two favorites?
I had a teenager who was with his mom and his girlfriend. He kept going on and on about how sexy his girlfriend was. To her complete humiliation and his mom's utter amusement. I walked in and he said, "Doc, you are SO SEXY!! But, no offense, my girlfriend is MUCH SEXIER!"
Thanks, dude!Then there was a pre-teen boy who dreamed he went to another country (I tell kids they can pick the dreams and it usually works). I ask him if he went and he nodded in awe. Asked what he like best and he said, still awestruck, "The women!" (Complete with hands cupped in front of his chest). His dad laughed so hard he fell to the floor.
Be Prepared For Secrets
Nurse in the ER, we do conscious sedations for broken bones or chest tubes and stuff. We make sure to remove all family from the room prior to sedating because patients really do say some pretty bad stuff.
One was a kid who came out to all the staff and he had never told anyone before.
The other was a woman who talked about the sexual troubles with her husband and how they were having marital troubles.
My wisdom teeth extraction. I woke up crying and the doctor/nurses were really concerned...until I told them I was crying because I missed my wisdom teeth. They enjoyed that one.
I then proceeded to point at the light switch and ask them to turn the radio on, and ask the nurse if the doctor was a good guy because I wanted to invite him to my birthday party. I was probably 16.
Blunt And To The PointGiphy
When I had surgery on my ankle, I apparently got my Dr to laugh, and some of the nurses after the surgery to laugh.
So, they gave me a shot of something to numb me up or do something important before they actually put me to sleep. I remember up the point where they gave me a second shot. After the second shot, my Dr told me to count backwards from 10. Apparently I just looked at him and said "No need!" And passed the f out.
After the surgery when I was waking up, but still pretty out of it, the nurses brought my dad back to help get me ready to go. When I saw him, I yelled "You're not my mom!" To which he replied "I'm your dad, dummy." Apparently that was the best thing the nurses had heard all day.
Too Much Detail
My husband had his wisdom teeth out and while under sedation he told the Dr and the nursing staff that he couldn't wait to get me home and into bed. Rather explicitly. It was hilarious.
Also the dentist had the same name as a famous male adult film star. I was waiting for him to make a joke about that but he was shuffled out pretty quick once he started talking about our sex life.
Bridge The Gap
When my father went under for the removal of several teeth, he woke up he reveled an almost encyclopaedic knowledge of bridges, which he revealed to the cab driver. I have never heard of him talking about them before or after but he was confident enough to name his top ten bridges and their engineers.
After getting my wisdom teeth taken out, the nurse waiting for me to wake up told my mom that when I opened my eyes I sat up immediately and asked for my teeth (I asked the doc prior if I could keep them and he said he'd leave them in a baggie so she was going to give it to me anyway lmao). Was brought out to a waiting area so she could have my mom come get me, I guess someone else was there and I very proudly showed this stranger my bagged teeth, then passed out again.
She told my mom it wasn't uncommon for people to ask if they can keep their teeth but she'd never seen someone be that desperate to have them, she also made it a point to say I kept putting the baggie up to my face and getting a very serene smile lol.
My daughter had tubes in her ears on what was apparently "hemorrhoid day". All the other recovery rooms were full of loudly flatulating patients, one of whom would scream "Help! I'm dying!" after every fart.
Coming out of my C-section, higher than a hippie at Woodstock, I was presented with my beautiful newborn son. I declared, "Oh my God, his scrotum is HUGE!" and then laughed hysterically.
In my defense, it really was.
Grand Theft... Appendage?Giphy
Funny story when I got my wisdom teeth out I was CONVINCED they removed my tongue too so when I got home I was stomping around angry telling my dad to prove his loyalty and "get my tongue back"
You can always laugh or smile. The OR is not some serious stoic place, and some people are hilarious while sedated.
I gave ketamine as part of a cocktail of IV drugs to this obese, middle aged Caucasian guy who began loudly singing in Hebrew in the OR during his hemorrhoidectomy under spinal anesthesia. For like 15 minutes.
We all enjoyed the very surprising live entertainment.
Vroom Vroom Vroom
Work in an ER.
Anytime we have to do a closed reduction of any joint (shoulder, ankle, knee, etc) we give some Etomidate or Ketamine. We had a 16-year-old who dislocated his shoulder, so we discussed using Ketamine which both he and his parents were agreeable to. After administering it and reducing the joint, the patient started to come down.
He began making "race car" noises by yelling VROOM VROOOOOM and making it sound like he is shifting gears in his car. His mother said that he recently bought his first car, and has been excited about driving it for a long time. The car was a Kia Soul lol.
Monkey In The MiddleGiphy
Nurse here. Not under anesthesia but I had a patient with ICU delirium who said "how did that monkey get in here" while pointing at the ground. She also asked me why I was kissing said monkey. I couldn't help but bust out laughing while politely reminding her there was in fact no monkey.
Testing My Patience
This was 2011 and I was 17 and a huge Tiger Woods fan. I was out for either a spinal tap or a bone marrow aspirate. When I was waking up my family had come into my hospital room and I was still feeling the heavy effects of ketamine. A physicians assistant came into the room knowing she could get me riled up for a laugh and she asked, "How do you feel about Phil Mickelson?" In front of my family that had never heard me swear before I very loudly and and angrily say, "Phil Mickelson's the worst"
The Price Ain't Right
I'm a nurse, working in ER.
We gave ketamine to a 7yr old to reduce a horribly fractured arm. When she started to come down, she began howling like a wolf. Loud!
Another older lady we gave fentanyl & propanol & she launched into a monologue about how handsome Bob Barker is, and her fantasies about him. We didn't ask when she fully woke up. Best to let some things slide.
Patient here - when I was 14 I had a sports related injury to my elbow and had to have surgery. When I woke up, the nurse was helping me put on my sports bra and all I kept saying was "DON'T LOOK AT MY BOOBS" over and over.
And then i apparently explained to her why i had huge holes in my ears (gauges) and all i said was "you wouldn't let me wear my earrings today"
Paramedic, wife is RN. I pretty much knew my entire OR team for foot surgery. They do a spinal, so I'm awake, but completely numb, nipples down.
Anesthesia Doc asks if I want some sedation, I say no. He says, "Are you sure? You seem nervous."
Me: "I don't feel nervous, why would you say that?"
AD: "Look at your vital signs."
Yeah, I was nervous. Heart rate over 110 (normal resting is 60). BP 150/90ish (my normal is normal - 120/80ish). Basically, I'm ramped up. So I said, "yeah, those numbers are WAY out for me, hit me."
And he did. Let me tell you, I totally understand benzo addiction. Next thing I know, my whole body feels like a warm hug from the inside. I'm happy, and calm. I can't adequately describe how wonderful and relaxing this feels, despite hearing the Ortho Doc sawing, and hammering, and chiseling my foot.
I look at my vitals: pulse of 56, BP 110/60ish. And I feel like I'm cuddling a million puppies.
Me, in a soft, sing-songy voice (maybe even whiny): "Dr. Wonka?" (not his real name)
Anesthesia Doc: "Yes, tarhoop?"
Me: "What did you give me?!"
AD: "Versed. Why? Do you need some more?"
Me: "Nah, just checked my numbers, they look good, I was just wondering what you gave me."
AD: "Why, is something wrong? Any side effects?"
Me: "Oh no, nothing like that. I just want to make sure it's charted that, I LOVE VERSED!"
(not so much shouted as, perhaps, proclaimed in an enthusiastic fashion)
My Ortho Doc had to put down his tools and take a giggle break, along with the rest of the OR staff.
Rum Rum Rum Rum
For my wisdom teeth removal I was put on laughing gas, I can remember most of what happened. I would keep waking up to myself saying things in response to the dentist or just randomly.
At first they gave me something that tasted like pineapples and the laughing gas. I woke up to myself having said, "Ew tastes like it has rum in it" and both of the dentists dying laughing. Mind you I was 16.
I also kept waking up to me laughing and the dentist cracking jokes.
Also since the dentists were friends of my dad's they asked things about my dad. I don't remember exactly what things were asked.
Melania Can ComeGiphy
Dental assistant - when I was on rotation through an oral surgeon's office a patient was coming around after anesthesia. She looked at the pulse reader on her finger and thought it was an engagement ring. The other assistants joked and told her that the anesthesiologist proposed, and the girl sighed dramatically.
She said, "Are you sure it wasn't Joe Biden? I think it would be him... we wouldn't invite Trump to the wedding though... but his wife can come." She then called every one of her contacts with FaceTime talking about how much she loved them. Totally unforgettable.
Not For Home Use
Anesthesiologist here. Not so much heard as seen. When protocol first came out, it had an interesting side effect when used with midazolam (versed, like Valium) in a small subset of young women. They'd wake up with some pretty intense dreams. It was a bit weird when seeing it for the first few times before it was reported in our literature.
There was one young attractive and nervous woman I'd given a strong sedative to on the way to the OR. When we got there, in front of the 4 people in the room, she sat up, took her gown off and drunkenly asked if we liked her breasts. We all politely stopped what we were doing, looked at her and said yes. She smiled and thanked us as she'd just had implants done. Besides that, most patients remarked they'd like to have some of my meds at home. I'd just laugh and say nope, see you next time.
An Insult From Shakespeare
Not a nurse (yet!) but when I was 15, I went in for a tonsillectomy.
Apparently, I started freaking the hell out. I bawled that the doctor was going to drop the scalpel and pierce my trachea and kill me. This is while we're all chilling out in triage. Not even started yet.
The nurse came over, put something in my IV to calm me down.
Evidently, I started spilling my guts about a recent party I'd gone to, wherein my BFF at the time had tried to get me to play 7 minutes in Heaven with a boy I liked.
It started to wear off, as we were in triage for quite a while, and my parents promptly asked for more and asked me if there was anything else I'd like to confess to.