Dads Share Stories They Hope Their Kids Never Tell Mom

Worth it.

I'm the son in this story, but one time when I was like 14-15, we had a family party at my aunt's house down the street. Eventually, the party just died down, and all the families started to go home. My dad decided to stay, and I asked if I could stay with him. Eventually, it was just my uncles and my dad drinking and telling stories at 2am while I just sat and listened to them. It was the first time that I could remember "staying up with the adults." It was a cool moment.

Anyways, my dad got too drunk to drive us home, and no one else was there. We could have spent the night, but then my dad was like, "No, I know your aunt has bicycles in the garage. We should just ride bikes home. It'll take 10 minutes tops."

So my dad and I rode bikes home, but my dad took a detour at an old park near my house. We started doing wheelies and donuts with our bicycles on the giant grass field (Well, at least we tried. My dad was pretty drunk, so we were having a fun time falling over, basically).

We finally get home at 3am in the morning and we're covered in mud and grass. My dad looks over at me and whispers, "OK, we have to be quiet sneaking back in. Don't tell mom what we did. She's going to be pissed if she finds out we rode bikes while I was drunk." Then he proceeded to knock on the door, and when my mom answered the door, he proceeded to tell her with glee exactly what he told me not to tell her. My mom was indeed pissed.

Nataliewassmart

Happy 4th of July!

That the reason the police and the fire department came to our neighborhood was because we were shooting off fireworks before the wife got home.

sibre2001

Solid plan....?

My dad and I were driving on the road at night, after my mom had specifically said I wasn't allowed to. When we pulled up to the street before my house, we switched drivers so it looked like he drove home. When doing that he slipped and fell and cut his head open and had to get stitches down his forehead. My mom still thinks it was from a thorn bush in our front yard.

sargearts

Wholesome.

When my youngest daughter was about 7, she would help me wash my motorcycle in the garage. She would throw on my helmet and jump on the back and just sit there as I would polish the chrome. One day, I turned on the bike and took her on a quick ride down the alley. I went about 5 houses down and turned back. Our top speed was a neck-breaking 4mph.

She absolutely loved it. We made it our secret. And I had her change clothes immediately so her mom wouldn't smell the exhaust. We finally told her mom when my daughter turned about 13. She's now 18 and still jumps on the back as often as possible.

drinking-beer

"Crash".

My 15 year old son loved cars and learned to drive on our farm when he was 11. His crazy uncle car nut loved that he loved cars and gave him a racing driving class as a christmas gift. I spent a few months prepping him in my sports car and at the go kart track and then took him to the Nascar race track for the class, even though he had never driven on the street.

He did great in the little formula car, getting up to 180 on the straightaway but towards the end, coming out of a chicane he missed a shift and accidentally put it in first. This locked up the rear and he spun out, going into a chain link fence backwards. All I saw was the dust cloud but he was ok, thanks to roll bar, neck brace, and helmet.

We spent a good part of the drive home rehearsing what to tell my wife and how not to use the word "crash". We told her after he finished college.

bigredcar

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Make up your vegetables!

Whenever my mom would leave town for work my dad would tell me and my sisters it was "make up your vegetables" night, and we got have pizza for dinner as long as we told my mom we had vegetables while she was away.

We got busted when each of us answered with a different vegetable than the others did.

Brantelope

Now THAT'S a deal.

When my son was in junior high, McDonald's had an every afternoon special of cheeseburgers for 49 cents. We stopped on the way home from school every day.

RonSwansonsOldMan

So, late 90's? We rocked that deal every day. High schools are why it doesn't exist anymore. It's kinda hard to keep up with 8 stoners showing up and ordering 100+ cheeseburgers. And that was just my friends. 20 other tables in the place.

IndigenousBastard

Let's be real- the mom definitely knew.

I had a kinda rocky relationship with my dad when I was a teenager. We lived in the east village in NYC.

When the 2003 blackout happened, we spent the evening up on our roof talking for hours. What started off as a little bit of wine ended up being us polishing off about 3 bottles hashing out what our issues were. Our relationship really improved after that, but I still remember the moment we both realized that my mom (who was out of town at the time) would be pissed if she realized we had gone through that much wine.

We concocted a story that he had accidentally dropped a bag that had two bottles in it. As far as I know she never suspected a thing.

sam_neil

We all remember our first R-rated movie.

My dad took me and my brother to see Timecop when I was 12.

Nobody in the house was allowed to see rated R movies, but in retrospect, my dad must have gone out to the movies in secret a lot when he was on the road (made sales calls, territory was the whole state).

Astramancer_

When my son was 13 I took him to see Superbad. Standing in line he said "I don't think this is appropriate for me." When we got our seats he said, "I don't think this is appropriate for me." A few minutes into the movie he said, "I don't think this is appropriate for me." After the first inappropriate scene he said, "I don't think this is appropriate for me."

That's when my GF & I looked at each other with an awkward face. After the movie I apologized to him and begged him not to tell his mom. That's when he let me off the hook and let me know his mom took him to it the night before.

CatchingRays