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Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Has The Perfect Remedy For SantaCon—And We're So On Board 🙌

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Mario Tama, Twitter: @JeronimoSaldana

It's the most terrible time of the year.


No, not the holidays in general (although if you're of that mindset, let's just say you're not alone.) We're talking about that most dreaded and dreadful holiday tradition: SantaCon.

If you live in a large city, you know that there is actually nothing worse. The subway is full to the ceiling with vomit, and the streets are chockablock with frat boys bro-ing down in fur-trimmed shorts and no shirts while their girlfriends, all dressed like the Plastics in the North Shore High Christmas pageant, fall off their high-heeled boots into oncoming traffic. During the seven years I lived in New York, I made a special point to take the day off from being alive on SantaCon day and just stayed hunkered down at home like a hurricane was coming.

Now I live in Chicago, where there's not only SantaCon, but also Santa-themed bar crawl TBOX (Twelve Bars of Christmas, god help us ), so we have not one but TWO weekends of booze-fueled, Santa-costumed terrorism where bars that are usually reserved as vomitoriums during sports games now charge a $25 cover because they have 537 Christmas trees inside or whatever.

In short, SantaCon is everything wrong with everything in an America on the brink, which is why everyone's favorite new Congresswoman, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, has swooped in to save the day!

A clever New York Times writer appealed to Ocasio-Cortez, to for the love of God do something about SantaCon!

...a move that even people whose livelihoods are impacted by SantaCon were on board with:


For her part, Ocasio-Cortez wasn't quite sure outlawing the egregious tradition was exactly within her powers, but she had a perfect alternative solution:

Now THIS is change we can believe in! Just imagine: tea, coffee, an assortment of holiday baked goods, a crossword puzzle or knitting or other QUIET ACTIVITIES TO ENJOY QUIETLY in the company of like-minded people who just wish everyone would shut up and read Michelle Obama's memoir. How festive!

And lest you be one of those "Oh cool, another anti-Christmas internet thing *eyeroll*" people, know that GrinchCon's already enthusiastic fanbase is robust and myriad:












But as with so many of the best things in life, it seems like maybe AOC's help isn't needed after all:


Turns out the spirit of GrinchCon has been inside all of us, all along.

God bless us (SantaCon-haters), every one!!!

H/T Mashable, People